He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
