HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
