he puts the penis in happiness.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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