Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
