ugly people sure do ruin things
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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