How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
