I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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