okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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