If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
