we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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