The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
