I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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