a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
