I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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