She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
