Your face is a jimmy john
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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