New low: just hacked my moms facebook
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
