Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
