Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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