just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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