I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
