I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
