I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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