I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
