you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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