i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
