New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
