a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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