They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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