ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
