I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
