I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
