Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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