dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
