I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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