Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
