Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
