apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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