I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
