Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
