I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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