just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
