Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
