the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
