This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
