if i can run in heels then i can drive
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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