I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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