my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
