i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
