You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
