I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
