Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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