walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
