just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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