I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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