I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
