I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
40s are totally the cure
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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