Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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