i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
