YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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