so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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