you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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