You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
