We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My brain says no but my pants say off.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
