I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am one with the molecules
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
