I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
