So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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