Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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